After a year of thinking my depression was a disease, it turned out to only be a symptom. I’ve been on prozac since August, yes my bad mood changed but something was still off. I scoured the internet looking for answers and I kept going back to the same thing. I was nervous at first, depression is one thing, take a pill and it is supposed to get better. Yes it has a negative stigma but depression is not looked down on as being a made up disease.
The blanket diagnosis is that I have ADHD. I’m mainly inattentive with some hyper tendencies. The frustration of not being able to focus caused me to become depressed and build up anxiety.
This diagnosis makes me nervous. I am a college student who is legally taking “teacher’s little helpers” to get by. It’s funny that finals are coming up too. What is not so funny, is that i’m doing this instead of my essay AND school related nonsense. I hope my medication kicks in soon.
Well there it is. I have ADHD and am now trying to find the perfect medication to help me get through it.
There is no time for eloquence in this post. I simply do not care. It’s late, I finally made some caldo de pollo, and now i’m full and sleepy. I just wanted to get some things out of my mind.
I was having issues with my faith and religion not too long ago. I wanted more information, a better argument, just some evidence, so that I could see if what I grew up believing still meant the same to me. Well, it didn’t. Oh boy did that realization suck.
I mean REALLY suck. Like, panic attack and anxiety issues, man they suck. Yes, I’m a sissy.
Anyways, I’ve finally come to accept it. Just letting it be…with the help of my amazing therapist. Yes, I see a therapist, probably has something to do with my daddy issues. Who knows?
So yeah, I guess I fall under the term atheist. It doesn’t change who I am as a person and it does not defy me. It is only a small fact in my life. Kinda like: my eyes are brown, or my gangster walk is really a limp that I’m trying to hide. I am also not the kind of asshole who goes around bashing religion. Even when I was a believer, I kept it to myself. The only reason I’m saying things now, is because I realize how silly I was. I worked myself up over nothing!
Oh well.
It has been a year since Cody passed away and because I’m horrible with words and all that I have decided to post the comic we all sang one night in Korea. We had worked our asses off that week and definitely needed a night like the one we had.
With booze and a microphone connected to his computer we made songs out of comics from theoatmeal.com or just sang many different songs. Party Gorilla was the song of the night. I don’t think anyone could get through a panel without busting out laughing. I believe we sang our song more than just a handful of times. The months after this night one at the shop would randomly start singing the song. Cody even got “Party Gorilla” on his fuel shop jersey.
I know there are many more but this is the one memory I can think the fondest of. Though I will never understand his pain or decision to end his life I’m glad I got to know such a person.
Pretty, 20 year old girl girl got knocked up by her 18 year old thug boyfriend. The same girl with strict rules from an unforgiving father, my godfather.
Maybe I’m judging too much. My mother had me at her age and I would like to believe I came out just fine. We did have a rough spot but who doesnt? She did right by me.
Sheesh, I refuse to live up to the “rabbit hispanic” stereotype.
No babies for a long time!
Has it been a year already? Time sure does fly by.
Fuck.
Driving down the street, not even a minute away from my little apartment, I saw the destruction of Monday’s tornado. These are my neighbor’s homes, the pizza hut we frequent, our post office. Just gone. This disaster zone definitely put some things in perspective.
Chris asked me, “why would you live in Tornado Valley?”. Well, Jeff is stationed here. Birmingham and Alabama in general is a beautiful place with some real nice people. All that southern hospitality you hear about is a real thing! Yes, life is slower here, it’s not like Tokyo, Japan or Las Vegas where everything is alive 24/7. And it is definitely not Korea, where almost every day there was some debauchery going on (I wish I were making this up). Jeff works some pretty good hours and only four days a week. I go to school here. We’ve made friends here. We even got a cat and a dog! Birmingham is our home now.
So will a devastating tornado make me hate it? No. It’s the opposite. The people who volunteer their time, money, themselves for strangers. The compassion for their neighbors and the city is just mesmerizing. This place, Alabama, is definitely the place I want to be in.
I survived another tornado. Lost power for almost 6 hours but was asleep for most of it. Sadly, this time the tornado hit my neighborhood and there was a lot of damage. Hopefully I can convince my husband to go and help me volunteer to help with the damage.
I really don’t know what to write here.
I’m sad because I’ve finally come to a conclusion after a long battle of faith. It was not the outcome I wanted/expected. I’ve become an atheist and I’m afraid what my friends and family will think.
Not because of this picture but because I finally, after all these years, tested my faith. I feel like i’ve failed somehow.
It doesn’t change who I am as a person. I still have my moral code and feel love for those around me.
I wont judge those who have faith in a higher power because I hope they wont judge me.
I wish I didn’t think this way.
I’m too excited for the possibility of snow tomorrow.
The transition to married life is easy because we lived together first. To me it doesn’t feel any different. It’s all good!
